Using Language Effectively

Using Language Effectively

BSCOM 234: Foundation of Interpersonal Communications

“I was listening!” must be everyone’s second favorite three little words. It is nice to know that you are not only being heard, but that the other person or group of people are truly listening to what you are saying. However, since no one is perfect, there are times when those around us are not actually listening. Even worse, there are times when we are not listening. Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond compare inattentive listening to channel surfing meaning that, when listening, we may be focused on the conversation but may feel disinterested or bored and focus on other things (p. 125). Although I try my hardest to truly listen to others around me, I am human and I, too, experience listening barriers. In my job, I have a new manager and while I will not bore you with the history, I will say that this new boss of mine has come in to my group under unfavorable conditions. Needless to say, there are a few listening barriers in place.

The way my job is setup is that my team and I have cubicles on the first floor but the management team has offices on the second floor, causing a literal separation between our project’s team and our managers. With this and the fact that he came in under unfavorable conditions, I do not always have verbal communication with him. Non-verbal communication mixed with me not knowing his personality adds to the frustration of communicating with him. However, when he comes down to my team’s room, I immediately become defensive. Given the circumstances, I am quick to dismiss what he, the speaker, is saying. Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond may refer to me as an ambush listener. An ambush listener is a “person who is overly critical and judgmental when listening to others” (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2014, p. 128). For vague context, I feel like I have been lied to by him so it is very hard to take what he says seriously: I am very quick to criticize or disregard the speaker. This also only enhances Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond’s definition of being a “relational listener.” While this is not my proudest frame of mind, this text has helped me realize what type of listener I am in this situation – and it is not a great feeling!

Another type of barrier that I face in this situation is information overload. In the midst of adjusting with my internal feelings of the situation, I also overloaded with information. My new manager has implemented brand new processes and a brand new system. In addition to him not knowing my job at all, when he comes down to talk to us, he first tells us about a new process idea that he has had, in which he describe in great detail, and then he will ask us how it fits in with our role. Given his lack of knowledge of the role, it is a lengthy conversation! He also deals with his own listening and speaking barriers – one being an inability to focus on one topic at a time. When most of our conversations are done, I am left feeling mentally overworked. While I understand that working in a fast paced technology environment means that there will be information overload at times, there can still be effective ways to listen to make sure that I understand exactly what needs and will need to be done.

Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond (2014) say that to improve one’s listening comprehension skills, the first thing that we need to do is simply stop (p. 131). I have been told before to ‘get out of’ my own head. What this means to me is to stop the inner monologue that I have going on, listen intently to what my manager is saying, and then should I start thinking of my response. Far too many times, people start preparing their answers before the question has even been asked. It is one of my pet peeves when people do this to me, so I know that it has be an annoyance to others when I do it. Putting aside our own thoughts will help us focus on what is being said or presented to us. Another key strategy given is to listen. It should be no surprise that an effective part of being a good listening to actually listen. Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond says that an effective listener does three things. First, effective listeners do not interrupt; they just listen. Second, they give verbal and nonverbal feedback. Third, they make appropriate contributions to the conversation (p. 132). Applying these three processes to my situation, I know my first step is to stop my inner dialogue and truly listen, respond appropriately, and then contribute and bounce ideas off of my manager to have a productive conversation.

Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond have provided us all with basic but essential information to become a successful listener, even in difficult situations. Being an effective listener can be quite simple on paper but in practice it can be more difficult, given each situation. These practices, such as stopping and listening, are absolutely crucial to being an overall effective communicator and listener.

Reference

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, s., & Redmond, M. V. (2014). Interpersonal Communication Relating to Others (7th ed.). Retrieved from The University of Phoenix eBook Collection database.

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