Communication Skills and Emotional Intelligence

Communication Skills and Emotional Intelligence

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A question on what level of intelligence should one have to handle emotional issues at workplace and social places has been asked from time to time. Emotional intelligence has to be understood first and I take it as the ability sustain and promote intellectual growth in oneself and others through perceiving the emotions of others, understanding their emotional knowledge and promoting it in a regulatory positive way so as to assist thought. Emotional intelligence is a fundamental drive in our communication skills and those people who have it tend to find themselves able to relate with others better as well as a sense of confidence is cultivated in them. Emotional intelligence thus has a role of cultivating relational and communication skills with others hence developing a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction (Andrews, 2004).

Emotional Intelligence

I am a college student in a local university and I have witnessed various cases of students (some of whom are my friends) who have low self-esteem because others make them feel so low about themselves or rather even adults in their neighborhood make them feel alienated. Kim, a close aunt of mine, is the games instructor in our school and to my point of view she has the most extra-ordinary skills I have ever seen in dealing with communication barriers of students as well as their emotions. She does have high emotional intelligence. She acts as an inspiration to the kids and they are able to mend their differences within no time and even pull up their socks in case they were feeling demoralized. This is made possible as she posses some extra skills that very few have such as the ability to deal with people and high and quick critical thinking in offering solutions or helping others develop solutions to a problem all by themselves among others (Goleman, 1998).

Communication Skills and Emotional Intelligence

One skill that Kim possesses is the tonal variation skill when dealing with students and colleagues in the workplace. She knows exactly what tone to use to a certain person over a given issue to express emphasis, empathy or even dissatisfaction without making the other party angry. She has a clear, confident and friendly tonal variation when dealing with students and teachers hence making them feel free to approach her anytime over any issue. Secondly, she has an outstanding body language cues that send a message clear to the students and teachers without causing any conflicting confusion in the relay of the message. For example, unlike many people who would talk to you about an issue as they do other things, Kim has this habit of giving a full eye contact as if she is studying exactly what one is going to say, she will also always put her head up as she talks to someone hence showing that she is interested in listening and additionally her facial expressions go hand in hand with whatever one is saying hence sending senses of agreement or vice versa (Miller et al, 2001).

Additionally, the skill that most people lack in communication is the listening-skill. Kim will always pay full attention to what is being said as this is even depicted by her body language. After listening she will always provide some feedback to the argument either positively or negatively depending on her assessment whereby she would never interrupt one when speaking but delivers the judgment after conclusion. On the same point and skill, she is able to respond appropriately to each and every query brought forward (Andrews, 2004).

The above skills have helped her develop a lot of emotional intelligence and as a result she is able to depict the components regarding to emotional intelligence in a swift manner. When it comes to self-awareness, she is able to understand and recognize emotional drives and moods of students. In this case she is able to handle issues knowing exactly which students have high volatile emotions and how to address them as well as those who are ‘hard-heads’ and how to address them without hurting their feelings and in the process solving the problem at hand. When dealing with students or young people, they may tend to offend you seriously in the process but one should have what we call self-regulation. This is where one has to think before they act. The ability to moods and disruptive impulses caused by others to oneself and act as if all is well. Possessing this attribute has enabled Kim to become trusted with the kids and she has developed an open mind to change and challenges (Goleman, 1995).

We have seen that one of the skills that Kim has in communication is patience, the ability to listen without disrupting. This shows that she has an internal drive to achieve a certain task. She loves her job and her students and she is motivated internally to help them. Hence she has a passion to assist her students which is a form of emotional intelligence. This gives an optimistic organizational commitment that she is always upholding. One more thing evident in her is empathy. This is because she is able to handle all students with sensitivity caring about how they will feel if she approaches an issue in this or that angle. As a result, she has cultivated her social skills and has developed the social proficiency among the staff and the students hence building a rapport that has seen students confine in her. She is now the students’ counselor (Miller et al, 2001).

Challenging Interpersonal Situation Handled

There is this one case whereby a girl (A) got pregnant by a boyfriend to another girl (B). The problem arose because girl B felt betrayed by the boyfriend and was now insecure he was going to leave her for girl A. on the other hand, the boy felt that girl A had ‘trapped’ him so that he could not be with girl A. consequently, girl A was demanding for responsibility from the boy as he was responsible of the pregnancy and he had claimed to love her while at the same time demanding girl B to keep off their new family. It was a tricky situation and when the case came to Kim for advice, she knew that emotional intelligence had to be shown here as she was handling three sensitive teenagers who needed to feel supported equally (it happened that girl A was my best friend) (Goleman, 1995).

After a lengthy talk and counseling with the three while ensuring that their emotions are not hurt and the communication is clear to cultivate a rationale thinking in each, the boy agreed to take care of the kid as a supportive parent but the issue of marriage was never going to happen since they had education and career to focus on. Girl B on the other hand though painfully agreed to let go the relationship to help the boy offer ample support to girl A and maybe later after college they may make mature decisions. The boy agreed to act responsibly and avoid relationships until he was through with college. This was a tough situation but Kim pulled it off through effective communication skills while employing emotional intelligence on the youth (Miller et al, 2001).


Emotional intelligence is the key fundamentals to a good interpersonal relationship and rational thinking in a social set-up. The elements in emotional intelligence cultivate a network among people and develop self-esteem and confidence in others.


Andrews, L. W. (2004). Emotional intelligence. New York: F. Watts.

Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.

Goleman, D. (1998). Working with emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam Books

Miller, S., Ellis, D., Timmons, K., Bayard, C., Meshelski, T., Fisher, R., & CRMlearning. (2001). Emotional intelligence. Carlsbad, CA: CRMlearning.

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