COM 200 week 5 Final Paper: My Advice

(name )

Interpersonal Communication (GSL 112 1C)

Instructor:

Date:

Dear Bob and Sue,

All throughout your marriage you will face many trials and tribulations. Communication is the key to any long lasting, healthy marriage. Being able to manage emotions, recognize others feelings, motivate yourself, and be self aware will help you to help your marriage last longer. No marriage is perfect, you will make many mistakes. Make the mistakes and learn from them, do not just make mistakes and keep making them over and over again. Taking the time out to evaluate all the things that you are doing wrong within your marriage, by using active listening skills, communication skills, and effective interpersonal skills, will help you both to have a long lasting marriage.

Managing your emotions mean expressing them in a manner that is appropriate to the circumstances (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p.157). Marriage is a partnership. Never try to do things alone. Communicate with one another about things. Money is always the prime factor in marriage arguments. Do not keep secrets from one another. It is wrong and in cases of marriage it is betrayal. When one of you is faced with a problem, you both are faced with a problem. When you both said you “I dos” you gave up the “I”s for we!

I myself have faced many trails and tribulations throughout my marriage and do not regret having gone through those trails. In my opinion they made my marriage stronger. You will find yourself arguing over the littlest things, such as whose night it is to wash the dishes. Never try o avoid an argument by settling to make your partner happy. All you are doing is covering it up so that it will never get resolved. Sit at your kitchen table and let one another know exactly how you feel. By doing this you are making one another aware of your feelings. Then you can make a scheduled plan based on what the two f you talked about.

Lack of communication is the biggest down falls in marriages. Always, always Bob and Sue keep an open mind in your marriage. Encourage one another to talk about your feelings when something is bothering one of you. When the both of you talk to one another repeat of rephrase what was said so that there is n miscommunication. Always let one another know when something is not fully understood. Make it so that neither one of you will think the other one foolish if one of you do not understand something. Be considerate of one another’s feelings. Help each other build up confidence instead of tearing it down. It is okay to walk way from an argument at the time you are upset.

What some couples fail to do is revisit the argument after the both of you have calmed down. Revisiting an argument put things out in the open. It lets the both of you say things that you could have not possible said while upset. In a calm disposition you both are able to better understand one another without judgment or ridicule. You both will find that you can also cover more ground when revisiting a situation. Bob and Sue do not think that you’re abandoning one another by leaving the situation. You are helping it to not get too out of hand by taking a

Breather and reevaluating your feelings and thoughts.

Trust me; nothing ever gets solved by trying to fix it in an angry state. Calm down and

Listen to what the both of you have to say. Do not interrupt one another while speaking. Wait

Until the other is finished to begin. As I have said before, your marriage will face many trails and

Tribulations and you can not run at the first sign of trouble. Remember talking things over will

Always help the situation. Running away from the problem or ignoring it will only make things

Worst. The sooner you talk about the problem at hand and clear things up by getting things out in

the open the closer you both are to a long lasting, healthy marriage. No marriage is without

problems.

Identify Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Interactions

There are many barriers to effective communication Bob and Sue. Try to identify the barriers to effective interpersonal interactions. Communication of conflict, tension, or irritation can result from misunderstandings that occur when two people interact with one another that have very different communication styles (Tannen 1986 Grimshaw 1990). Bob and Sue when conflicts occur don’t shut down on one another that only cause more problems. It is okay to take notes whiles. Just take a walk or go to another room of the house for awhile then talk about what ever is on your mind after you both have calmed down. Empathizing with one another in your marriage is great!

Respect each other when one of you is speaking. Do not talk over one another, just listen, it pays to be a good listener sometimes. Listening preparation includes all the physical, mental, and behavioral aspects that create a readiness to listen (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p.82).Let me talk a little about power as I have said before Bob and Sue both of you have power. Power is important in a relationship and it can be managed. Not being responsive during a conversation is a barrier that can be fixed. Note taking during conversations is encouraged if you are not that good at remembering things. Your body language can be a barrier that holds the both of you back from communicating effectively. If you must use hand gestures while talking use them appropriately. Different communicating styles can be a barrier if Bob and Sue yours differ from one another. The different communication styles are action listening style, people listening style, content listening style, and time style listening. People listening style is when you listen and are concerned with emotions. Action listening style is when you want no error in your presentation. Content listening style is when you want a challenge in the information you are given. Time style listening is when you prefer the information that is given to you to be short and simple.

Develop Strategies for Active, Critical, and Empathic Listening

There are many thing you can do Bob and Sue to develop strategies for active, critical, and empathetic listening. First and far most I should tell you what these things are. “In action listening, you want precise, error free presentations, and you are likely to be impatient with disorganization (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, P.85).” Take notes while your partner is speaking if you are a forgetful person. Try and see where your partner is coming from if you disagree with something they said. Always ask questions to get a better understanding of what was said. If you absolutely must, record the conversation that you had with one another with the consent on both participating parties. To be an active listener, identify the central idea. Once you have done that identify the points that reinforce the central idea (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 93). Now that you have done that listen for the supporting points. Ideally, all communication should be listened to critically (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 94). Bob and Sue to develop strategies for critical listening listen intently to what is being said to you. Ask who, what, where, when, why questions to get a better understanding of what was being said tot you. Know the difference between fact and opinion. Be able to identify when an opinion is being used. A fact is something that can be verified in a number of ways, which might include experiments, direct observation, or books, by authorities (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 95). An opinion is something someone’s belief, it can not be verified. Empathic listening is the process of mentally identifying with the character and experiences of another (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 95). In other words, try and put yourself in their shoes. Listen to your partner when they want to talk about their feelings. It is not just a way to give emotional support but also a way to see what you partner is going through and they complications they face. Encourage one another to talk about anything. Do not try to put each other down. Have family meetings to share these feelings and to get feelings out in the open.

Understand the Impact of Gender and Culture on Interpersonal Communication

Gender and culture has a tremendous impact on interpersonal communication. More and more intercultural encounters will become apart of your everyday life whether it is in casual encounters, business transactions, interviews, or telephone conversations (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 86). When facing these problems it is advised to have an understanding of culture differences. Much of the misunderstanding in such encounters can be traced to problems in listening, and when experiencing such problems it is essential that you demonstrate both empathy and sensitivity to culture differences (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 86).

Sometimes miscommunication can occur because of accents of different cultures. If you use your communication skills of listening you will be able to break this barrier. Anyone who has had some experience in the world might suspect that men and women listen differently (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 87). Using interpersonal communication correctly is also another aspect of listening effectively. Do not assume that because you are male or female that you listen poorly or well.

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Know that intercultural communication interactions are not always marked by misunderstanding, confusion, and hurt feelings (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 86). Lack of knowledge, insufficient language, and even lack of sureness about the conventions that underlie the use of language in intercultural situations create difficulty (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 86). If you take the time out to understand what the person is saying, repeating what was said to you, and rephrasing things you should have no problem with commincating amongst individuals who are not of the same cultural background and gender as you. And remember Bob and Sue it takes time. So you have to be patient and understanding.

Define Emotional Intelligence and its Role in Effective Interpersonal Relationships

Emotional intelligence, according to Saundra Hybels and Richard L. Weaver II, is the ability to understand and get along with others. It plays a very important part in effective communication. Without out emotional intelligence you would not be able to communicate with your partner effectively. We can improve our emotional intelligence by increasing our awareness of emotional issues and improving our ability to identify, assess, and manage our feelings (Sole, 1976, p.200). In order to have good communication skills we have to first be able to identify with others feelings. Bod and Sue you have to identify with one another. If Sue decided to be a stay at home mom Bob, do not think that she does nothing and her job is less important than yours.

Try to help one another when problems arise. When one of you gets angry and the other does not understand what you are angry for do not just dismiss the situation sit down with you partner and find out what is bothering them. With emotional intelligence you have to be able to listen to and interpret what is being said to you. You can not just let it go in ne ear and out the other. Be able to identify with one another. When using emotional intelligence you are telling your partner that you understand, you are listening, and far most, that you care. Do not judge one another in the things you do. If you do not understand something then ask questions for clarification. Never let something that is not understood going without being understood. The sooner you both have an understanding on things, the better and smoother you marriage will be. Always give eye contact when talking to each other. If you do not then one of you may think that the other is not listening and do not care about what is being said. Do not ever just assume something. Most of the time when you assume things, you get it wrong. I can’t stress this enough, if you do not understand something, get clarification from one another. That’s how arguments get started because someone did not get clarification of a situation.

Recognize How Words Have the Power to Create and Affect Attitudes, Behavior, and Perception

The words you chose to use during any situation have an impact on everything. They have the effect to create attitudes. For example say if you, Bob, used the word fat, and your wife felt she was not fat, she would take that offensively and have an attitude because of it. People have different perceptions of words based on how they were raised. When you use a word, you are vocally representing something (Hybels, Weaver II, 1986, p. 109). When you use a word’s denotative meaning, that is its dictionary meaning, you are more likely to get a positive response from the receiver. Choose your words carefully. Do not think that just because you are husband and wife that you can just say anything to each other. You both still have feelings and want to be respected by one another. The way you use words also play a very important part in affecting attitudes. Try and help one another Bob and Sue of how to affectively use words towards one another. If one of you does not like a word that either of you used then speak up and let your voice be heard. Using words that carry a lot of connotative meaning are often misunderstood because they are often associated with things of feelings. This brings me back to the point, if you do not understand something, ask questions for clarification! Never let anything go misunderstood. It will help better you marriage if you were to do so. Try to cover the meaning of a word that you used in your thoughts, when you are speaking to one another. Do not make it so the other person will have to guess the meaning of the words you use. Based on how well you know your partner, the words you use, should be used to fit their vocabulary span. Your partner should not have to guess as to what you are trying to say to them. Also again, this is where body language comes in at. Know your partner’s body language. If they appear to not be able to follow what you are saying ask them if they understand and explain to them what you are trying to say to them. Again, help one another help your marriage. And if problems get too bad, seek help.

References

Http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?index=0&did=2260839481&SrchMold=1&sid=10&Fmt…

Ashford Online Library

Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication. San Diego, CA

Bridgepoint Educatiuon.INC http://Contewnt.ashford.edu.

How emotional distance ruins marriage

David Code, the Christian Science Monitor

Boss, Mass, Feb 13, 2009 Pg 9

Together, forever? All it takes is some work; Head of body to strengthen marriage once vows to stay single, but how others keep vows of another kind

Theresa Tan, the Straits Times

Singapore, June 8, 2011

Bridges Not Wall

Edited by John Stewart

Ashford University founded 1918